I have been terrible about updating this blog. I have been terrible about not taking very many pictures of our son. I have been terrible about making the memories (and documenting them) I NEED to be making with our son. Life has gotten in my way. I know what you might be thinking, “You stay at home ALL DAY, how are you not getting these things done?!” And I feel that same way! I am home ALL THE TIME. I make it to the store every few days so I am out of the house for an hour or so. I usually have Cael with me. I could take pictures of him at the store for crying out loud! The rest of the time we are home unless we are off to watch Courtney’s team running, wrestling or playing baseball. Why have I been so bad about taking pictures and documenting memories and stages in his life?! I guess I’ve been more concerned with enjoying the time with him and haven’t been concerned about the pictures. I feel bad about that.
I am realizing that my son is growing up. I know it sounds stupid because how can I just now be realizing that?! I have been in denial that he is growing up. I have been in denial that everyone young I used to know is getting older. I was pulled out of my denial last week…when I signed Cael up for summer baseball. No, not tee ball, BASEBALL. What?! I now have to make a schedule for my 4 year old!! He will have baseball Sundays & Wednesdays (I think) and then swimming lessons two days a week (hopefully Tuesdays & Thursdays) for four weeks. Then if everything works out right he’ll have gymnastics starting in September and he can start wrestling practices in December. Then laying in bed last night thinking about Courtney’s baseball season starting with games this Friday and that I need to get the wagon down and put in the van it hit me again. It hit me that yes Cael can fit in the stroller (bike trailer) right now but probably not next cross country season. And yes he can fit in the wagon this baseball season but probably not next season. In the next (probably) one year I will have a big boy that doesn’t need a stroller of any kind. Or a car seat of any kind. It is freaking me out! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN??!! And how am I going to deal with this?!?! And when he starts school (yeah – SCHOOL!) how am I going to let him go? I was home with him for 8 weeks when he was born and that was hard enough. Now I’ve been home with him for 2 1/2 YEARS…how hard is that going to suck?! He & I actually had a conversation about this the other night. He asked me if I would cry and be sad when he grows up. I was honest with him. I told him that I probably would be sad and cry a little bit but that I would be happy and love watching him grow and learn. I really do mean that….I will love watching it, maybe not the part about being happy about it though. I know I should be happy about it but it is hard. Maybe I will surprise myself. For each stage in his life so far I have dreaded it. I dreaded him eating real food and not needing a bottle because that meant he could be a little more independent. But then it happened and it was great not having to buy formula or baby food anymore. I dreaded him walking because he wouldn’t be a little baby that needed Mommy as much. But then it happened and I loved chasing him around. I dreaded him being out of diapers because my baby would be gone but then it happened. He is potty trained and it is awesome. Maybe I will surprise myself and love watching him do big boy stuff. I’m sure I’ll be the crazy mom with the camera taking pictures every 2 seconds he’s on the baseball field or wrestling mat. I’m sure he’ll hate it. I’m sure my husband will think I’m crazy. Why is it so different for dads? I guess it’s so different because when a mom is pregnant with a child they are literally a part of you. It is absolutely true that when your child is born and growing up there is a part of you that is not there anymore. There is a part of you walking around in front of you and you can’t hold on to it forever. Man that bites!
This is totally not the post I was planning on doing today, it just happened. I think I am done ranting now. And now I can start another post about life lately and pictures of the boy. I started sending myself pictures I have taken on my phone the last couple of months and I realize I haven’t been as terrible with the pictures as I thought. I do need to be better though. Have a great Monday! And if you have a little one squeeze them tight and remember that they will grow up TOO SOON…and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it so you might as well enjoy the ride (or at least try to!).